There's nothing you can do or say, you're gonna break my heart anyway

Well i cant go pick up addy with shane today. Which also means I'll prolly only get to spend a few hours with her. I bend over backwards for everyone at work, always pull extra shift and cover for ne one when needed. You think ne one could throw me a fuckin bone the one time i ask for it? of course not. No one will work for me tonight, therefor i cant go to portland with shane. Addy will be sleeping by the time i get home, and she leaves tomorrow so ill get a few hours with her before I go to work. Yay me. We never get to see her, and when we do I cant even be there. I know i should just be happy shane gets to see her but right now im a lil more upset and pissed off that my job sucks balls and i wont be able to.. Anyway, ill write more later, i gotta go.

1. my sister
2. my parents
3. my grandma
4. my other sister
5. my girls (jessica, morgan, beth, caitlin, danielle...all of em)
6. my cell phone (and im serious...with out i wouldnt talk to my sister as often or ne one for that matter)
7. my nieces
8. the donovans
9. my camera (pictures fascinate me)
10. my journal (with out it id prolly go crazy)

i kinda wanna keep going lol but ill stop

 just so you know i wrote this quite awhile ago and just found it earlier today. it kinda makes me laugh now because now i love both this perfect guy and fucking whore to pieces haha

an adorable smile
a genuine laugh
a gentle touch
a way with words
a perfect guy
thats what you were
until one day
things went bad 
and you decided to ruin all we had
the perfect guy
that i once knew
was off to find someone new
i thought that was it
i thought we were done
but you came back and left me stunned
i should have known better than to let you in
but i was reminded of the perfect guy i knew back then
you and me
i guess this time it took twice to see
together we were once again
until you said this is the end
as i watched you leave once more 
with that fucking whore

this morning i watched the sun rise
it made me think of you
despite of all  your lies
im ready to move on 
its time to try something new
maybe it was my wishful thinking
that kept me here so long
quiet through all the suffering
not knowing it was wrong
i was destined to lose 
in  this game you play
you were calling all the shots
and i didnt know the way
but now im tired of the hurt
sick of the lies
i need distance now
no time for goodbyes
you had this coming
dont stare at me in suprise
be a man and look at me
typical, you cant even look me in the eyes
it my turn now
to make you feel this pain
but somehow i can't
im just tired of playing your game
so you have lost this puppet
im out to find something new
and when the sun sets tonight
i wont be thinking of you

don't let your past 
determine your future
thats what they told me

don't cry over him
he wasn't good enough anyway
thats what they told me

never give up
keep fighting for more
thats what they told me

don't complain
just do your best
that what they told me

don't look so sad
smile more
thats what they told me

don't be so negative
think of the good
that's what they told me

remember now
dont talk about what happend
just put it away
because thats what they told me

don't make a scene
just keep it to myself
because once more
thats what they told me

 

The night was dark, 
but your smile made it bright.
All around us was cold, 
but your embrace brought warmth.
In a world that was so hectic, 
your presence made it calm.
A girl just lost in the chaos, 
you found her and brought her home. 
To a life led by confusion and flase hopes, 
you brought meaning.
To a girl who had nothing, 
you were everything.